Thursday, June 20, 2013


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There I was, happily guzzling my paté on cracker. I went to cut another bit of paté and hit something solid. I prised it out of the remaining block of paté and felt distinctly queasy.

What was it? Clearly it should not have been there. My first thought was a cooked mouse fetus. And before you summarily dismiss that as outrageous, I must tell you, I do have experience of mouse fetuses, albeit a long time ago in my youth when I was the proud possessor to two pet white mice.

A quick check of the ingredients established that such was not envisaged as one of them.

When the wave of nausea passed I was more inclined to think it might have been a mushroom that snuck passed the chopper, but I was not going to find out the hard way.

Back to the store, with whom I left the questionable paté; they contacted the supplier who contacted the supplier's supplier, who eventually contacted me. By this stage the issue was getting murkier as the store had by now lost the bag of evidence. However, the likelihood was that it was a mushroom and the man from the suppliers was very nice.

He said he'd be sending me something for my trouble, and sure enough, some days later a letter arrived regretting my cause for concern and enclosing a cheque for any inconvenience that may have been caused.

Now, this cheque has faced me with the following dilemmas.

It is crossed and made out to a variant of my name. So if I decide to cash it, I will have to lodge it to my bank account, and most likely sign it on the back using the variant, which I will have to practice for a week, my forging skills being what they are.

It is for a trivial amount, and as cheques are now being phased out, I wonder if I held on to it would it actually increase in value, as cheques become rarer and one for this amount rarer still, if not unique.

Nothing is simple in this life.

My friend Vivion has pointed to the simple fact that I am still here irrespective of what the damn thing was. I surrender.

1 comment:

Póló said...

This reply from Vivion to my amendment:

Bravo. I love the variant on your name.

Of course, your efforts to address the problem have put you on the horns of another dilemma - whether to cash, or not to cash, the cheque.

Since the cheque per se is unlikely to increase in value and since its nominal amount will eventually be eroded by inflation (if inflation ever returns to the Irish economy), it would seem that the best course of action would be to lodge it to your bank account without undue delay, but only if two conditions are fulfilled: First, that you walk to the bank, since short car journeys use a disproportionate amount of fuel which would reduce the net value of the deposit, while a brisk walk would be good for your health and would increase the net benefit; second, that you immediately proceed to a nearby premises where you can spend five euro on a cup of coffee and a digestive biscuit, read the Irish Times at your leisure, and watch the procession of passersby who have not had the good fortune of lodging a cheque to their accounts.

How wise.

Then I thought, maybe I'll just frame the cheque and hang it on the wall. Eternal pleasure looking at it.

Then I thought further. If I lodge it in one of those bank machines, I can get a receipt with an image of the cheque printed on it. Why not lodge the cheque and frame the receipt. Have my paté and eat it, so to speak.

Oh dear. I can feel life getting complicated again. :)