THE ESRI PAPERS

Click on image for a larger version

I caught sight the other day of an old Irish currency note online and there it was, My old boss's boss's boss's signature, bold as you like. It brought me back to when I was in the Department.

One day, early in the day, my boss asked me to get the "ESRI papers" for the signatory. The signatory had gone off somewhere after making the request and would not be back till later in the day. I was responsible for the ESRI vote (grant) and therefor the come-to person for anything to do with that institution in relation to its organisation and spending.

"The ESRI papers" sez I "What are they"

The reply "I don't know just get them"

"But I have no idea what he wants"

"Just get them"

Now, the ESRI papers could have referred to a multitude of things.

It might, at the extreme, refer to all the reports the ESRI had ever published. It might mean the discussion papers they prepared for their lunchtime seminars, or even the technical reports behind the published reports. Then again it might mean the papers relating to their annual grant.

I have to say I was a bit mystified by the request but not at all surprised at my boss passing its down the line. He was not going to be found wanting when the signatory returned.

So I gambled and did nothing until the signatory returned and persuaded my boss to ask him what exactly he was looking for. And what did that turn out to be?

HOW MANY PEOPLE WORKED IN THE ESRI?

And there you have it. The things I put up with for Ireland.

An earlier boss had his own ingenious way of dealing with the vacuity of the signatory.

When he was called in to be given jobs he noted them down as they were specified. He then drew up a summary list which he showed to the signatory to check that this was what he wanted.

This was a wise precaution as the signatory often did not know what he wanted, but he thought it good practice to keep the staff busy and in awe of his vast intellect. Of course, sometimes not only did he not know what he wanted but he was certainly not going to remember what he had asked for when the day of reckoning came along.

Off my boss went and did up what he thought might be appropriate and eventually brought these papers in to the signatory.

The coup de grace was that they were accompanied by the original list which he had shown the signatory and each item was very visibly ticked off.

Go figure.

A genius.

I learned a lot in my early years in the civil service. Survival can be a complicated matter and its means not always immediately obvious.

Oh yes, and that last boss gave me the bulletproof formula for survival when things went pear shaped:

GET A GRUDGE

See, it's not all that complicated in the end.

I should probably record, for the sake of completeness, that the second signatory above once tackled me on why we were giving money to the ESRI just so that they could criticise the Government. I don't remember my reply offhand but i'm sure it was firmly polite. After all, I was authorising the money and he was, at that stage, my boss's boss's boss.

PS: I have to say here that despite all of the above, and indeed because of some of it, I think I made a reasonable contribuion to the State at the end of the day.